Archive for October, 2007

Just Another Update

Monday, October 22nd, 2007

The hives were most likely a reaction to the second anti-biotic I was taking following the surgery. Yeah, a complex system the body is. Most impressive.

This weekend I started taking another round of anti-biotic to help with the sinus infection caused by the surgery - it is not uncommon for this to happen. After taking the first pill I got hives in new places within a few hours. I wisely decided to stop taking the medicine. LOL

 Today I saw the ENT doctor again. After some novocaine he sucked out the bad stuff in my sinuses. I think you will thank me for not going into much detail. :)

Apparently, there is a tiny hole in my septum. It must have been caused after the splints were removes. I do not have as much cartilage there as most people. It is not a problem; it will heal with time. When I breathe I can make a whistling sound like a dog chew-toy. I am sure this will come in handy in the near future. :D

it is interesting.

 A couple of days ago I saw a hawk perched on the sunroof of a car. I had just pulled into my apartment complex when I noticed it just sitting there calmly. I parked and walked over to it, but it flew to the tree. Then it chased a smaller bird - possible to eat - I am not sure. It had white stripes on its tail. It was pretty cool. :)

New Job

Thursday, October 18th, 2007

Woooo hooo!!!

I got a new job!!!

The acid waters slowly dissolving my savings will soon evaporate to be a thing of the past. I am very happy. :D

Although the time I spend writing will decrease, I will no loner be in the shadow of impending financial ruin. This change will allow me to relax, and I expect my productivity to increase. It is hard to write compelling fiction when compelling facts interfere. Bread on the table is far more important than imagining a supernatural being. :)

It is a glorious day!!!

:P

Return of the Hives (Shudder)

Wednesday, October 17th, 2007

hives3-002a.jpg

Well, it is difficult to tell if I am getting better; the progress is questionable. On one hand (pun intended) the hives on my hands have faded considerably. On the other the infection is on the move. Now it is partying on my upper forearm and chest. It is like one of those marauding armies that conquers and then searches for additional glory. (Stiring up trouble with the local peasantry - in this case the decent white blood cells who so dutifully (and overzealously, I may add) fight to keep this place in order. Well the invaders are in for a surprise, because this battle station is fully-functional, ready to release the awesome power of the …

Oh, I’m afraid the deflector shields will be quite operational when your friends arive…

Oh, what was I saying? The Benadryl is making me sleepy.

Hmmm, I must be getting slightly delirious :P ; hence, the Star Wars references.

By the way, why would anyone need to speak Bachi?

I mean what possible conversation could you have with a mositure evaporator?

C-3PO: “How are you doing?”

Mositure Evaporator: “Great, I just harvested twenty gallons of water.”

?!!!

Really! :P

The Hives

Monday, October 15th, 2007

Well, it seems my luck is rather poor concerning my health. A few days ago some red spots appeared on my hands. I would classify them as hives. They are hot and itch more than I would like to admit. They are unsightly as well.

I went to the doctor today. He said he was concerned since hives do not normally show on both the back and plams of the hand. More disturbing, he discovered that I have a heart murmur. He has been my doctor for almost 20 years and has never detected one before, so it must be within the past year. It seems hard to believe that I could be in such great shape before only to fall victim to some unusual condition.

 Is this related to the mysterious illenss I had in August? Who knows…

Is this related to the insect bite back in Arpil?

Well, hopefully I will have some answers soon. I had extensive blood work done today at the hospital. It was one of the same women who took my blood before my surgery. She was competent. She said she would take good care of me, and she did. Near the end she asked me if I felt okay- she had taken 12 vials of blood for the tests.

I really hope they find something. It is always much nicer to have an explanation. I think I would jump for joy if it were Lyme’s Disease, becuase at least that is treatable. :)

I have included a couple of pictures in case anyone is curious:

Attack of the Hives

 Another shot of Hives

 Here is another view of the back of the hand:

Another View

And here is a picture of the insect bite I received in April in the uncharted wilds of Tyngsboro, Massachusetts that could be responsible for all of this:

Insect Bite

The Thing that Fell to Earth

Sunday, October 14th, 2007

[Note: This story won Third Place in a contest held at FanStory.com]

(A Chilling Tale for Halloween)

            A refined, middle-aged man shifted slightly in the witness box as he prepared his defense.

            “While it is true I struck my brother five times in the head with an axe, I mean to show that I am not his murderer. Far from it – I am, in fact, his avenger. There are some, no doubt, who say I am mad, but after hearing my tale you will ask yourselves how I could have done otherwise.

            It all started some three months ago towards the end of the harvest. One cold, starry night, it came – the abomination that has so troubled our otherwise decent lives.

            From the heavens it fell, a great ball of fire. I chanced to notice it on an errand to fetch wood for the stove. I hailed Eustace from his study and described what I had seen. At once he suggested going in search of it. I protested, but such was his willful nature that he could not be dissuaded. With trepidation, I gathered the items we would need: a shaded lantern, a coil of rope, a large woolen sack and a pickaxe. To this, I added a jeweled, ceremonial mace, taken from its housing above the mantle.       

“What are you expecting?” Eustace laughed. “A beast? A fire demon perhaps?”

            His flippancy was no comfort. A vague dread mingled with the cold-night air to chill my bones and heighten my misgivings.

            “Could we not wait till morning,” I asked, protesting. “It’s folly to tramp about a snowy forest at this hour.”

            “Pshaw! We’ve known these woods since we were children. We won’t lose our way. Come on, now.”

            I was jealous of my brother’s confidence. I still thought our errand foolish. Nevertheless, I strapped on a pair of snowshoes and trailed him out the door. More than a foot of snow had recently fallen. This slowed our progress, but we penetrated the woods all the same.

            All of the servants were fast asleep, and Eustace deigned not to wake them – the adventure was to be ours alone.

            Gradually, we found our way. A slight breeze in the air carried the scent of smoke left by whatever had fallen, that great conflagration in the sky. My brother’s pace quickened. He seemed genuinely excited. In fact, I had trouble keeping up with him. Burdened though I was with the evening’s mutton and potatoes, it was the misgivings of my heavy heart which slowed me most, instilling within me a feeling of leaden inertia.

            Was it our business to venture into the forest on such a fool’s errand? And in search of what? Why would a celestial event fall under the jurisdiction of a couple of middle-aged squires?

            Nevertheless, I continued to allow Eustace to lead with the dark lantern. As we departed from the well-worn trails, we encountered many obstacles – fallen trees, dense undergrowth and snow-covered rocks. I stumbled more than once. Large boulders heralded our entrance to the Rocky Hills. All the while, the amorphous shapes of the forest cast frightening shadows, taunting me with terror.

            I am not sure how long it took, and I would be hard-pressed to find the exact location, though the events following are forever seared into my memory. An artificial clearing was scorched into the ground by the path of the thing that fell from the heavens. Pieces of stone, the likes of which I had never seen, glowed brightly all around. Waves of heat radiated from the blast crater. Not a patch of snow survived. At the crater’s center … Gads! Oh, if only I could banish that haunting image! To think I could have grabbed Eustace by the sleeve and run screaming back to the chateau – to safety. But no, my brother was too bold for reason, too bold to heed common sense and decency.

            Placing down the dark lantern, he crept forward. Much to my horror, he touched the monstrosity. Grotesque in appearance, the ill-formed creation vaguely resembled a diminutive human being, though the analogy discredits our species. A countenance of evil – that is what we faced. Harsh lines were chiseled forming a frozen scowl, while its furrowed brow managed to convey intelligent fury and sadistic menace. Gray-skinned with golem features, it was a veritable gargoyle.

Small cloven feet and claw-like hands adorned its extremities. Also, its head seemed too large for its body with spindly arms adding to this aspect of unbalanced proportions. Overall, it seemed terribly misshapen. Although static, I shuddered to think what it would do if animated. It seemed the very portrait of sinister cruelty.

            It was then Eustace did the unthinkable: after touching it, he noticed it was alive and decided to nurse it back to health. Grabbing the woolen blanket from my paralyzed hands, he proceeded to bundle the thing, carrying it in his arms as if it were a baby in swaddling clothes.

            “Eustace!” I screamed. “What are you doing? Od’sblud, what mean you by this?”

            “Can’t you see,” he said. “This was meant for us. It is a messenger. We must care for it. We must preserve it until it has a chance to relate its purpose.”

A curious illumination filled my brother’s eyes. The transient gleam vanished almost as abruptly as it formed. At the time I thought it was a trick of the moonlight, for the glowing orb was bright and full, hanging low in the sky. Now, I know otherwise.

The forest was ravaged by the impact. Had it not been winter, it surely would have burned. I turned one last time; the strange rocks still smoldered maliciously. What were they? Parts of a shell? They seemed to mock nature as if ill-mannered visitors, their glowing menace palpable – like a diabolical sentience. The pulsing played on my fears; giving me the feeling I was being watched. With a shudder, I began the return journey, glad to leave that blasted manger of eldritch horror. My mood improved as we distanced ourselves from that accursed wasteland; however, I could not forget that my brother bore a sinister burden, one that would forever change our lives.

I did not cease to voice my misgivings, but even my most vehement exhortations could not convince him to drop the malformed beast. Indeed, my efforts were most vigorous, my words of admonishment hounding him, pursuing him relentlessly.

“This is not right!” I said. “It’s not natural! Cast this thing aside! It is evil!”

To this my brother replied that the stars had given us a gift, and that it was not ours to abandon. I could make no progress. No rational argument would divert him from the path he had chosen, a path to oblivion.

At the house it thrilled me to think we were harboring that unwholesome beast, cloistered away in the derelict, basement chamber. Servants were now forbidden to access the lower supply-rooms, and rumors quickly spread among the staff. I slept not a wink that first night; for, I felt that no good could come from anything that hideous. Still, I hoped for the best.

The next day I wondered what should be done. Was it too late to kill the fiend? And then I heard it – a freakish bleating that haunts me to this day. Bless my brother for having restrained it; prudence had not entirely deserted his faculties. Before retiring for the night, he had shackled it to the bed. At least he had some vestige of good sense left in his troubled brain.

As I ran to the scene, the shrieking stopped. I arrived to find my brother spoon-feeding porridge to the monster. It greedily devoured the nourishment, barring its sharp, gray fangs. It seemed eager for more, and regarded my arrival hungrily. I feared that soon it would not be satisfied with grains, that it would acquire a taste for human flesh. Eustace seemed to read my thoughts. He scowled.

“Come, now. It won’t bite you,” he said. “You see it is harmless. Don’t harbor foolish thoughts.”

I, on the other hand, was far from satisfied. How could I feel comfortable with that beast staring at me with its cold, malevolent eyes? Thin and yellow like that of a tiger, nay – a serpent; those luminous crescents sent chills down my spine. When I looked into them, into that dark abyss of evil, they stared back with an intelligent, knowing gleam. With some invisible torchlight, the beast had read my darkest thoughts as easily as if they had been written on parchment. The fiend regarded me as a threat and wanted me to know this. It was that exchange which inspired within me a fright the likes of which I have never known; for, in order to read me, it had exposed itself. And, in that portal so abruptly opened, I saw a being of total evil, an intelligent malignancy, capable of great acts of greed, deceit, wickedness and horror.

In contrast, it reserved a much different expression for my brother, one of deceptive kindness and kinship. I know not how it put forth such an air of false docility, nor how it could get away with such transparent duplicity. It must have charmed Eustace from the start somehow; it certainly was not natural for a man of his lucidity to choose such a path, a path any normal person would consider abhorrent madness. Nothing could explain this behavior, this single-minded devotion to our mysterious guest. Nor could I have suspected how quickly this untoward interloper would come to subvert so completely our otherwise normal lives.

Suddenly, the creature fell back upon the bed, apparently entering a state of deep slumber. Whether this was by chance or by design I could not tell.

“Eustace, that thing is an unholy abomination,” I protested. “We don’t even know its intentions. It may kill us.”

“Pshaw! You know nothing,” he said with some asperity. “Appearances can be deceptive. An ugly messenger does not necessarily bring an ugly message. Look how weak it is. It rests.”

“Is that what you think? You still see him as a messenger.”

“Indeed I do! Now, stop carrying on this way. You trouble yourself unnecessarily without justification. What has this poor creature done to earn your scorn? No harm shall come to us.”

But I was far from mollified. I saw the creature for what it was – a diabolical sophistication. This was not some mindless beast or freak of nature; this was an eldritch power from the stars, a thing that should not be.

Alas, my brother was not to be persuaded from his stubborn perspective, saying that time would reveal all, and we had to wait and be patient. Oh! If only I had insisted, a great catastrophe could have been averted!

But such is the clarity of hindsight. At the time, I was eager to complete the orders for my thriving practice. The host of clients I had taken was daunting; they all wanted their accounts finished promptly as year’s end was at hand.

Days passed. As the winter wore on, the beast grew stronger. Eustace would sit long times attempting to communicate with the creature. In the early days, it merely squawked and spat, but soon it became more reserved, more communicative, almost furtive. These meetings soon became exceedingly private. The door was never left ajar; rather it was locked from the inside.

During my first and only observation of the beast’s education, Eustace demonstrated how it could read and understand our language. With a chalkboard, he directed its efforts. I recall how the creature would cast those hateful eyes upon me, eyes that could flash fire at one, yet extract sympathy from another.

Gradually, my brother stopped sharing its progress. It was as if the two had forged some special bond, and I was considered the odd appendage, avoided almost entirely.

And still no message.

Then came the day my brother set the beast free. Now it had full access to the house! It was then that I started locking my bedroom door at night, though it was a moot point – I slept so little those days. Soon, I found myself a stranger in my own house, uncomfortable walking the hallways. I took to carrying a weapon at all times – the hatchet was my favorite aegis. It allowed me some modicum of comfort. If asked, I would say I was on my way to chop wood for the stove. This plausible excuse would prevent a possible argument, for my brother had grown defensive of the creature. Indeed, he was like a mother bear protecting her cub. Still, he refused to accept its diabolical nature. If only I had killed it then!

Onerous was daily life now. The servants had long since fled, and chores I once took for granted went undone. Eustace dismissed the staff prior to releasing the creature; however, most had already fled our accursed household. Many had noticed the foul scent and did not wait to see what was coming. They were lucky. My brother and I were still the only ones to have laid eyes upon the monster. Now I wish I had shared what I knew; corroboration would be invaluable at this point. Alas, it was not to be. None knew what lurked beneath our roof and crept throughout our halls. Even now, the thought of occupying a room with that fiend still chills me, filling me with dread.

With the reduced occupancy, the house was like a tomb. And the shortening of the days meant most of my time was spent by candlelight. This did nothing but augment the gloomy aspect pervading the silent house. All the while, I continued to experience a sense of foreboding, one which was not unfounded. Indeed, more sinister developments came to support my woes.

The family dog, Renford, began to act strangely. Always my stalwart companion, the hound recently had grown skittish and erratic. He barked much more frequently than ever before. Never could I find the reason. Then, one day he disappeared. I mentioned it to my brother who suggested wolves were to blame. This would have been a plausible explanation, except the forests had become eerily silent. An itinerant wolf pack would have most certainly been heard. Besides, Renford was not one to wander from home.

Weird occurrences started to happen with alarming frequency. Most obvious were the birds. As an amateur naturalist, I enjoy watching birds and have done so with my telescope throughout the year. Winter is never a good season for bird watching. Nevertheless, one can always spot the occasional woodpecker.

“Objection!” shouted an attorney sitting at the head table. “Where is he going with this?”

The magistrate in charge was clearly enthralled with the defendant’s singular tale. As a result, he swiftly overruled the objection. The testimony had also commanded the undivided attention of the jury. In fact, although it was past the hour for mid-day-meal, the defendant was bid to resume his narrative.

“As I was saying…” he continued. “I am an avid birdwatcher, yet the forests were strangely devoid of birds. Indeed, the silence was deafening. In fact, wildlife of any kind was neither seen nor heard. That is, until they came.

At the time, I thought nothing could be more terrible than a silent forest. I was wrong.

Imagine waking to the frenzied cawing of crows outside your window. That is what I suffered one gray December morn. Back then, the little sleep I got was brought about artificially through the use of an opiate known as laudanum. Roused from my stupor by that terrible cacophony, I swiftly drew back the curtain. What I beheld will haunt me for the rest of my days! Roosting in the faint rays of the dawn’s twilight were dozens of ravens. They were perched outside my window on the oak tree opposite. Their supernatural cackling tormented my ears. Oh, how angrily they called to me! Of that, I am certain. My appearance did not daunt these creatures in the least; rather it drove them to frenzy!

Worst of all, amidst the confusion, like an island of calm, or the eye of a storm, were a dozen birds, not cawing, but eating. Then, I saw it – the tawny remains of a pelt. They were feasting upon my spaniel! Poor Renford! What a terrible fate! At first my eyes were reluctant spectators, unwilling to accept what they had seen. When the true horror dawned, the bile rose in my throat. Although gagging upon the repulsive realization, I resolved to right the atrocity.

I threw on my slippers and dashed outside. With my blunderbuss, I forced those carrion defilers to flee, reclaiming my home …for the moment. Thankfully, I was in the habit of keeping a loaded gun above the sitting-room fireplace, accessible, yet out of the reach of our eldritch visitor. Of this fact I availed myself. The stentorian blast carried far, the offensive sound reverberating throughout the hills and skeletal trees. Still, I knew few neighbors would hear. I wondered what Eustace would think. I half expected him at any moment to rush out to join me, eager to investigate the cause of the alarm. In this, I was mistaken. So, with heavy heart, I remained alone to contemplate the grim task of deciding what to do with Renford’s remains. Finding a pole, I knocked what was left of the family pet from the tree. A snowy fetor fell at my feet. The cold had preserved my friend for the days he had been absent, though the crows had not been so kind.

Unfortunately, this was not the most grisly discovery. Before starting the arduous task of hacking through the frozen ground to bury the animal, a morbid curiosity gripped me. How had it met its fate? Normally, I would not be so inquisitive, but the supernatural encounter with the crows had heightened my vigilance. With gloved hands I sought the answer; I parted what was left of the furry hide. Ultimate horror is what I found – two deep puncture wounds violated the neck of the once proud beast. The spacing of these marks I knew only too well! They were the width corresponding to the bite marks of the accursed beast we quartered in our once peaceful abode.

My blood froze upon this epiphany. I nearly fainted. Shivering more from fear, rather than cold, I staggered into the house and navigated the hallways in a delirious, desperate panic. My meanderings suddenly brought me before Eustace.

“You look like you’ve seen a specter,” he said. All night he had been talking with the creature. He had heard neither gunshot nor crows.

“That thing!” I bellowed with trembling, outstretched hand. I pointed at the monstrosity, which suddenly appeared. “That fiend killed Renford!”

“Nonsense! Don’t insult our guest. Look! You’ve frightened him.”

The imp recoiled as if struck by a branding iron, seeking refuge in the folds of my brother’s cloak, adopting every nuance of innocence and docility. However, the act could not fool me. I knew better.

“Eustace! That monster sucked the very life-blood from our beloved pet! Soon it will do the same to either you or me! It is evil! We must kill it!”

I rushed forward wielding the gun as a club, ready to fustigate the foul demon into oblivion. Alas, my brother checked my hand.

“Calm yourself!” he yelled. “This is no way for a rational man to behave. What proof do you have of these awful accusations?”

“Proof?” I said, my face flushing with apoplectic rage. “Ha! Come with me! I’ll show you.”

Eustace first removed the creature, taking it to the wine cellar where it had made its home. That being done, I led him to Renford’s remains. But whoa! I was in for yet another shock, one far greater.

The body was gone!

Oh, how my mind reeled! Impotent tears slipped from my cold cheeks, freezing solid before striking the ground with a faint percussion.

“No!” I bellowed. “I refuse to accept this! I don’t know where it went or what has taken it, but it was here! See where it lay!”

I showed my brother the spot, but myriad foot prints obscured much of what I had hoped to see. I had been careless in my initial investigation. In addition, not a trace of fur remained upon the snowy ground. In any case, Eustace protested that the lack of evidence offered another explanation.

“You’ve been overburdened as of late. Perhaps your stringent time-table has brought about some nervous condition. Maybe it would behoove you to reduce the size of your practice. Stress can bring about hallucinations, you know.”

I nearly screamed, but lacked the energy. He thought I was going mad.

“Very well,” I said, “you think I’ve lost my perspicacity. If you really are concerned about my health, you will remove that blasted thing from these premises! You know it’s the real cause of the nervous condition of which you speak.”

My logic briefly checked him from responding; he knew I was right. Instead, he adopted a different tactic, one of ignorance.

“The messenger?” he asked innocently.

“Yes! The messenger! What in blazes is wrong with you? That horror is no messenger! It’s a killer and a manipulator. Don’t you think this has gone on long enough? It’s been nearly three weeks! You said you would take it to be studied by learned scholars once it was well enough to travel. It was ready after the first week! You’ve been keeping it since as some sort of perverse pet. What power has it over you?”

At this remark, my brother’s face grew stern, and for an instant, his eyes became as the demon’s.  Then, after some type of inward struggle, he composed himself.

“No,” he said. “Nothing is wrong with me … far from it. In fact, I am almost ready to start my campaign. I’ll be elected this fall, and this little creature can only help me in my quest for fame and fortune.”

“Nonsense! You don’t need this thing! Part with it now while you still have the chance. Don’t wait for this thing to poison you further. Don’t let it continue to corrupt your mind and subvert your dreams.”

Alas, he would have none of it. And once again, my protestations fell upon deaf ears. Nevertheless, I kept trying. Each day I warned him of the great danger, of the impending danger, yet each day he stubbornly insisted that the creature was no threat.

These terrible, unnatural events did little to prepare me for my final confrontation with the beast. I could never have foreseen the grizzly outcome, nor is there anything I could have done which would have prevented it.

The creature was gaining strength and size daily. Already it had doubled its weight. Soon it would be too strong for an ordinary man to master. Something had to be done. However, in the end this proved unnecessary. A transfer of consciousness was my brother’s undoing. What’s that you say? You doubt me? I wish I could doubt myself too, yet I alone must carry the truth. In the truth we must trust … for, it is the only way. The horrible truth is that the thing became my brother.

As I said before, little prepared me for the grim conclusion to this frightful affair. It all happened so suddenly and without warning. Looking back fills my heart with both sadness and indelible horror.

One night I heard cries from the cellar. It was my brother’s voice, unmistakably calling for help. I flew down the stairs. As I turned the corner I saw something I will never forget – believe me I have tried.

My brother was fully-dressed, crouched beside the body of the supine demon. He seemed as if ready to leave. Perhaps he planned to take the demon to the university scholars as he had originally promised. My first reaction was one of joy. Seeing the beast lying inert, I thought it was dead. Joy, however, soon gave way to terror.

“It passed in the night,” my brother said. His stilted speech was peculiar. When he turned to address me he did so with those golden, reptilian eyes – the eyes of the demon.

I shrieked and fell backwards, tripping on a wine barrel in my haste. As he approached, his white cravat dropped to reveal two fresh puncture wounds trickling blood in rivulets down his throat. Aghast, I scrambled to my feet. It was a small miracle I could move at all. Somehow I managed to process the unthinkable: my brother was gone, and this thing had taken his place – the beast had become my brother!

“You must understand,” it said calmly.

Like a horrible mantra, it repeated the phrase. Perhaps it was unaccustomed to its new body, for it moved awkwardly, its clumsiness allowing me more time to formulate a plan. This I would come to appreciate later though; my first thought was of flight.

After racing up the stairs, moving faster than I’d ever thought possible, I reached the study door, slamming and bolting it behind me. Chest heaving, I searched the room for inspiration. My eyes rested upon the hatchet.

“You must understand,” said the incessant voice outside.

Suddenly, a fist sailed through the door. This was no small feat as it was solid oak and an inch thick. Whatever eldritch powers the beast had possessed must have been transferred to the body it had stolen. The power it wielded was supernatural indeed!

The horror of what I was about to do made the bile rise in my throat, yet I knew it had to be done. I had no choice. For the good of humanity I must do what would otherwise fill my heart with grief.

My deliberation was rapid. I knew it would soon breach the door. To the creature, it was a child’s barrier. There was little time; the fiend’s progress was ineluctable.

Hiding behind a suit of armor, I waited for it to pass. It was now or never! It or me! My first blow was unsure. The glancing strike I delivered merely tore a piece from the scalp, and the creature spun to face me. Mortal fright now galvanized my actions, ensuring that my second blow was true. With a hollow, nauseating thud the axe sank into the skull, dropping the thing to its knees. The familiar face did nothing to mitigate my fury. I struck a third time! And a fourth! The axe flew forward to bury itself in that accursed forehead, splitting it like rotten birch-wood.

That last blow was probably enough, but I did not stop there. Sobbing and cursing, I struck again and again, until the room became a charnel-house and the object of my fury a red, pulpy paste – a ruin of a form once housing a noble spirit, my beloved brother.

In truth, I do not know how many times I struck that cursed shell. I am sure of only one thing – I was possessed by madness, a madness which has mercifully left me without any additional memory of those hideous acts born from feral desperation.

When I woke my hands were red, my nightgown stained crimson. As luck would have it, my neighbor, the tailor, had come calling. I had just finished his financial report, and rather than waiting for me to deliver it, he decided he would come claim it himself. You can imagine the terrible shock that greeted him. I’ve been told the door had been unlocked; perhaps my brother had done this before preparing to leave with the creature. I know not, only that it allowed my neighbor to enter and rescue me from my hapless fate. It was his cry of horror that roused me from my exhausted, murderous stupor.

I’ve also since learned that my brother was communicating with a colleague. He had actually made plans to give that accursed abomination to a university for scientific study. It was this which most likely precipitated his untimely demise. Poor Eustace! Bless his soul! He had intended to make good on his promise.

Shortly after my neighbor fled in terror, he returned with a pair of constables. I remember being loaded into a wagon, my garments heavy, sopping with my brother’s blood. I was whisked off to yet another terrible place, but I was finally free – free from the horror that fell from the heavens.

For this, I am grateful. To be free and still have my life. It could easily have gone otherwise. Unaware of my surroundings, I would have wandered upon the moors and perished in that icy wasteland, delirious and haunted by terrible images. As it stands, I am now in the company of men, and it is only when I shut my eyes that the terrors threaten anew. Would that I could only banish the thoughts that plague me!

Sometimes it is his face before me. Sometimes it is the demon’s. But always those eyes pursue me, those fiery orbs of hate. Whatever you decide, it can not possibly be worse than what I have already suffered.

So I ask you, members of the jury, did I do wrong? Would you not have acted the same? Would you not have slain your own blood, knowing that if unchecked the pestilence could spread its infection across the landscape of humanity? Would you not have killed the thing that fell to Earth?

 

The Surgery

Wednesday, October 10th, 2007

Hello my Family, Friends, and Fans,

I have not posted in a while. Partly, this has been due to the surgery I had scheduled. I was out for two hours - it was a basic procedure - sinus surgery - widening the passageways. To tell you the truth, the less you think about it the better. :)

Friday was the surgery. When Mom and I got to Lawrence General we discovered that I was not on record. I was not scheduled for surgery. ROFL
I knew it! LOL
Figures something would happen.
Mom was unexpectedly decisive. She told the woman we would just drive to Thatcher’s office and sort it out.
When I got to the office it was around lunchtime. I had to call through the window to get someone’s attention. The secretary said she would look into it, but I feared a cover-up. Therefore, I stood by the door so that when a patient left I could barge in and talk to Dr. Thatcher personally. This I was able to do. Had I not done this, the surgery would never have happened.

He seemed surprised to see me.
I said, “I am supposed to have surgery with you at 1:00, and Lawrence General has no record of it.”
He cradled his head in his hands and shook his head.
“I’ll see what I can do,” he said.
A few minutes later, he returned. He said he was willing to do the surgery on a Saturday if he had to in order to get it done. He knew the timing was critical, since he was going away and I would hopefully be starting a new job soon.
He said they could possibly fit me in at the end of the day. The unofficial time was 4:00.
We agreed and went back to the hospital.
After registering I went to have some blood-work done.
The woman drawing blood kind of scared me. She did not seem to know what she was doing, and I was wondering why two other nurses were standing there watching. I did not have to wonder long. They were supposed to take two vials of blood. Evidently, this older woman was new at this. She screwed up between switching the vials. Blood squirted all over the place. Her supervisor had to intervene. I was amazingly calm throughout all of this. I don’t know how. The supervisor took many moist towels and wiped the chair, armrest, and my arm free of blood. The other nurse watched on in amusement. I think she was flirting with me. After the mess was cleaned, the supervisor said we would have to use the other arm to finish taking the blood. I told the woman that it was okay when she apologized. I said, “Well, this is not the worst thing that will happen to me today.
Fun!
Mom and I went to surgical day-care. The woman there was really nice. She said we could go home and wait, since we had such a long time before surgery. We came back at three and had plenty of time. Eventually, they gave me a curtained cubicle, talk about privacy. I changed into the frock-thing they give you and waited in the chair. A nurse came by and told me what to expect. This was nice, and useful, I may add. She said to be sure to ask in the recovery room if I required any additional pain medication. It is too late if you ask when you are already in terrible pain.

Then, we waited some more. I am amazed how calm I was throughout the entire day. Looking back, I do not know how I was able to do it.
The nurse started an IV and we waited some more.
Eventually, an anesthesiologist came to my bedside. He asked questions and made some notes. It was almost five.
The shifts changed and I was visited by another anesthesiologist who took notes and asked me the same questions. I liked this guy though. Looking back, I would highly recommend him.
A nurse also showed up. She had bright eyes and looked very kind. I liked her a lot. I was glad she was chosen to help take me into the operating room. The anesthesiologist said that he added something that would help relax me. Strangely, as I have said, I was not nervous at all. It was a piece of cake compared to other surgeries I have had.
I do not even remember being put to sleep, and I am not even sure if that room was the operating room or the recovery room. One second I was lying there and the next I was in the recovery room with an oxygen mask around my face. It was really quite easy. I was very happy.
The mask sprayed a mixture of moist air at my face. The water is important. It helps you breathe better. I would gain an appreciation for this during my recovery over the next several days when I could not breathe through my nose – not a fun experience.

The kind nurse had been replaced by another one in the recovery room. She was not so nice. In fact, I am a bit annoyed. I think she resented that I was a late addition or something, or perhaps she is just not a nice person. LOL
She sort of gave me attitude from the moment I woke up, although at the time I did not realize it.
I just lay in the bed happily. In one previous surgery I recall fighting to stay awake in the recovery room. This was not the case here. I am not sure why. I just felt relaxed. I flexed my hands just to make sure that things were working. I thought that moving my fingers would help the recovery process.
The nurse took my blood pressure and said it was too high – 160 or something. I told her that it had been a stressful day. She replied that it was still too high. What a moron!
I have had high blood pressure in the past, but the last three doctor visits have all been normal 120/80. (This has actually surprised me. Since parting from my stressful job, my blood pressure has returned to normal.)

I told the nurse I felt some pain.
She asked on a scale of 1 to 10 what was my discomfort.
I said 4
She added something and I felt good all of a sudden.
I am glad I did this, because I think it helped me later that evening. It must have been morphine.

Independently, my Mom came to the conclusion that the nurse was not very nice. I agreed. She seemed to be pushing me out the door before I was ready. That was annoying. Oh well, it was nice to get home.

I remember being in the hospital bed looking across the wall. In the distance static things were moving slightly.
It was like I was drunk, but really, I can not complain much. I am very happy with how the medication was accomplished.

Earlier that day, I watched a black woman being helped down the corroridor. She was a patient in the bed next to me. (Well, not in my bed) :D
The nicer nurse was helping her walk around.
I think this is standard protocol.
I have never had such a quick recovery experience in any of my other surgeries.
In fact, when I had my tonsils out, they would not let me leave the hospital until I had urinated into a cup – that was tough, trust me.
Anway, this black girl was really pretty, but she was white like a sheet. It was amazing. Her skin was gray. Whatever they did to her, it obviously had some effect. LOL

In less time than it takes to tell, the nasty nurse had got me in a wheelchair and ordered my Mom to pick me up at the front. I could barely stand when I got up to get into the car. Oh well, LOL

I do not really remember the drive to the pharmacists. When I finally did get home, I felt embarrassed by the bandage around my nose. I did not want to scare the little children. 

Mom took care of me for the next two nights. She even slept on the couch. She wanted me to wake her when I needed any pain medication, but I chose not to do this. Instead, I got up on my own and wrote down when I had taken the pills. I did not want to wake her. Besides, that first night I did not sleep at all. Sleeping with your mouth open is hard. It dries out your throat and mouth. My lips started peeling; they got so chapped.

I had splints in my nose. These remained there for over six days. I am glad that I did not try to remove them, since they had a stitch for each to hold them in place.

My father came and fixed me dinner on the other two nights. It was really nice of him. For the most part I watched movies or remained in bed. I could not eat solid food for a couple of days; it was just too difficult and uncomfortable.

The only danger was that of internal bleeding. Because of this my family helped me by taking the garbage out and doing the grocery shopping. I was very weak. It has been 8 days, yet even now I do not feel 100% recovered.

Being able to breathe is wonderful though.
Now, when I breathe, it is like a windtunnel. :D

Really, it is. It sounds like the wind howling outside on a stormy day. My sinuses have never been this clear in my entire life.
After the splints were removed, Dr. Thatcher vacuumed out the extra material. This was a bit nasty. He gave me some Novocain to help with the pain. Ironically, I think the aftermath of this procedure was more irritating than the first. Oh, it is nice to breathe though! :D

Hopefully, I will never get a sinus infection again. I will have to wait and see. I am optimistic that my chances are greatly improved, and that I will stay healthy for a long time. It will be a couple of weeks before I am able to lift again, but I can wait. :)

I was walking around the apartment complex. It was the first time I had been outside in six days. And I suddenly felt really happy. I knew that I had plans to see both my brother and my best friend Jamey over the next couple of days.
As the little kids rode their bikes besides me in the parking lot, I felt such joy, happy for what I have, and certain that soon my life would be even better. I think recovering from an illness, surgery or injury can do this to you. I realized how really meaningless all other things can be – the electric bill, being unemployed, being single – I knew that I had friends and family that loved me and that was all that mattered. :D

As for my other illness, it seems to have abated. For this I am grateful.